ADDICTIONS - IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES
I understand that modern science has tried through the years to determine whether or not a person can be a born addict. That is to say some people just naturally become an addict while others exposed to virtually the same situations do not. I suppose scientists are trying to discover if there is a special gene or chemical in the brain that predetermines addiction.
From personal experience I can tell you that I am a born addict. If I like it, I become addicted to it. Even if I don't like it, I sometimes become addicted to it. For example, there are the obvious addictions like drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. All of these have posed problems for me during my life. But the intriguing thing to me are the addictions that I form without my knowledge; the addictions I don't realize I have until I have to do without whatever it is.
I became addicted to spending money. No matter how many conversations I had with my husband (and with myself), I could rationalize anything. If I saw a $200.00 wristwatch on sale for $65.00, I would buy it because I was "saving all that money". Never mind that I already have four watches. When a jacket that I didn't need went on sale for half price, I bought it because I was "saving all that money". After awhile, there was no money, so I was forced to let that addiction go. One of the ways I did it was to simply not go the mall. A lady in Alcoholics Anonymous once told me, "It took me 20 years to figure out that if I didn't drink, I didn't get drunk." I had to apply the same logic to my irrational spending habits.
Every year I become addicted to getting a suntan. We have a pool so that one comes up every summer. I forego many things in the name of getting that great tan. Winter usually cures me temporarily of that addiction. So far I haven't decided that I need to fake bake during the winter.
My latest addiction really caught me off guard. I became addicted to therapy. I got involved in therapy when my daughters were in high school and the usual uproar of adolescence became a daily routine. First I put the kids in therapy and then I started weekly and sometimes bi-weekly visits to the therapist. Four years later, I ran out of things to talk about, but I kept going anyway.
Only when my therapist suffered an injury and could not see clients for several months did I realized that I was addicted to therapy. Don't get me wrong, therapy has helped me through many years of depression and self-destructive thinking, but I used it to the point that I thought I couldn't figure things out for myself. Everything that was an issue in my life became something to discuss with my therapist.
With him being forced out of the picture for awhile, I came to realize that I could figure things out for myself. Life is a series of challenges, some of which must be faced and some of which must be recognized and accepted.
I can't believe I'm 43 years old and still letting addictions crop up around every corner. The only thing I can figure to do is to keep my addictions on a positive course. I just wish I could become addicted to body building and making large sums of money.
©1996, Cindy Staudenmaier
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