There is an old saying, "When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging."
There are opportunities afforded to you everyday that give you a chance to stop digging. You have to learn to see these things as opportunities, not chores. The operative word here is "see." As you become older, you form habits, and whether or not those habits are good for you doesn't make any difference. A habit is something you have done for so long that you don't even think about what you are doing. You just do.
Once you understand that you aren't really thinking about what you do and the consequences that occur, you can begin to see where you can change in order to reach certain goals. Goals that have eluded you all your life can be accomplished once you start seeing. Here are a few examples.
If you eat more than your body needs, and have created a weight problem, then you are digging a deeper hole every time you eat that extra doughnut or choose a can of soda over a glass of water. Think about what you are doing and see how you can do it differently. Don't eat if you're not hungry and stop eating when you're not hungry any more. You have simply lost sight of the fact that your body has a trigger mechanism built in when it comes to hunger to tell you when to stop eating, but you have stopped listening to it. Ever tried to make a toddler eat when he's not hungry? You can't because he won't eat when he's not hungry. He's still listening to his hunger trigger mechanism, but as you get older, you quit listening. I don't buy the "it's my metabolism" thing and I don't buy the "it runs in the family" thing. As you get heavier, the less physical activity you feel like doing, and the less physical activity you do reduces your body's ability to burn calories. If you're reading this, you're probably an adult, so just make up your mind to change your eating habits and stop digging.
If you physically can't do the things you used to do, chances are you are taking the easy route when it comes to physical activity. Do you wait in your car in the parking lot to get the closest parking space? You're digging another hole. Get out and walk. Sack and carry your own groceries. Park your own car at the theatre. Take the stairs. Whenever an opportunity presents itself to improve your physical ability, take advantage of it. You have to see these opportunities and take advantage of them. A 92 year old friend of mine (who still lives by herself and drives) said it best, "If I ever quit doing something, the first thing I know is that I CAN'T do it anymore."
You can dig a financial hole and most of us have at one time or another. Stop buying the things you would simply like to have and can't really afford and buy the things you need. Never impulse buy. Think about your purchases. Will it really make you happier or are you just bored? The "fun" of a new thing wears off pretty fast. I have stopped eating out at the drop of a hat. Now when I do eat out, I really enjoy the food and the experience. When I did it all the time, I rarely even noticed the food. And my bank account is better off for it, not to mention my weight. That's one way I stopped digging a financial hole.
There are other ways to stop digging a financial hole. Need a new car? Does it really have to be NEW? The industry dictates that a car depreciates 20% the day you drive it off the lot. Where's the logic in owing $30,000 for a car that is instantly worth $24,000? And where's the fun in writing that car payment check every month for 60 months? The car's only new for a short time. There are literally hundreds of thousands of previously owned vehicles on the market. Many of them still have the warranty. Shop around. It's easy now with web sites like AutoTrader.com. Compare prices. Look at the pictures. It makes sense to me to owe $15,000 on a car that's worth $15,000. Trying to impress your friends? Forget about it. Once you've driven that car for a month, no one will remember it's new. Still another way to stop digging a financial hole.
Let's talk about digging an emotional hole. There are simply thousands of ways to dig holes emotionally and, unfortunately, emotional holes are usually dug subconsciously. If you just can't be happy unless a certain person loves you in a certain way, you are digging a HUGE hole. You have given all your power to another person, and that puts you at his/her mercy. You have given your self-esteem away. Holes don't get much bigger than that. Take stock of yourself. Think things like, "If I don't have a partner who enhances my existence, I'm just fine by myself." Once you have created that mind set, you have restored your self-esteem. Now you are very likely to attract a person with high self-esteem and the two of you can created a partnership, as opposed to a dependent relationship. Makes all the difference in the world!
You can dig an emotional hole when it comes to your kids. If you place all your stock in your kids and they disappoint you, you feel like a complete failure. That's because you see your kids actions as your actions instead of seeing them as individuals with minds of their own. All you can do is teach them the best you can and hope they makes appropriate decisions. If they don't, that's their decision, not yours. You don't need your kids to do good to feel good about yourself. Remember, "You are just fine by yourself."
You can dig an emotional hole when it comes to your job. It's much the same scenario as with your kids or your partner. If you see the job as you and not you doing a job, when that job doesn't go right it damages your self-esteem. You have made your job you. Don't allow that to happen. There are other jobs and just because this job didn't go exactly right doesn't have any bearing on whether or not you are a good person.
Remember, "When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging."
This is not a lecture, this is how I have learned to change a lot of things in my life. Thought it might make sense to some of the rest of you.
© 2005, Cindy Staudenmaier
