Ever feel like the whole world is in slow motion? Everything I read informs me that this is the electronic age, the age of instant transactions, touch tone communications and "faster than a speeding bullet" information.
Well, that isn't how I feel. Maybe I'm a neanderthal from the ice age reincarnate in the computer-driven world of today, but I can't figure out how having your machine call my machine and vice versa speeds up anything. Seems like the only communications I have are with a computer. I can't get anything done. I'm either on hold or touching "1" if I want this or "2" if I want that so often that I'm going backward. What number do I touch if I want to talk with a human being who actual has the authority to make a decision and follow up on it? I don't think they've gotten around to adding that button to my answering machine, a.k.a. telephone, a.k.a. fax machine, a.k.a. etc.
For example, last Thursday I called an 800 number to get some information about taxes. After listening to "All our customer service representatives are currently busy. Your call, however, is very important to us (us who?). Please stay on the line for the next available representative. Do not hang up. Our calls are answered in the order received. Thank you for holding." eight times before someone actually did answer the phone, I'd almost forgotten why I'd called. When I did speak to this person, she was not authorized to give out any information directly, but she politely took my name, my address and my telephone number and advised me that someone would call me back. This is Tuesday and guess what? No call. Six days have gone by and I'm still waiting for my "faster than a speeding bullet" information.
I'm thinking about buying a used car I've been driving for a few days. I took it in to have it diagnosed to see if there were any major problems that don't show up in everyday driving before I make my decision. The mechanic looked at the car, wrote down a few things, then told me to leave my name and number and he'd call me back when he had the estimate worked up. They probably won't even be making this car by the time that happens.
Last month I called my property manager requesting some information about the possible sales price of a home I own in another city. I'm thinking about selling it. Well, I guess all I can do is think about it, because a month has gone by and no return call, so I called again. This time I was routed to his voice mail. The post office could deliver my message faster that this guy will call me back.
Today I called my realtor. I'm thinking about putting my house on the market and need some information about the current market climate, a ballpark sales price, interest rates, etc. Again, the old voice mail routine.
I guess I'll just write my article without the information I needed from the 800 number, keep my house in another city and pray that if the tenants move out my property manager's phone machine will notify my phone machine so it gets leased again, drive this used car until it falls apart and live in this house until I'm too old to leave messages on other people's voice mail.
Think of all the time I'll save and I won't have to keep this list of people and machines who say they'll call me back if I leave a message at the sound of the beep.
© 1996, Cindy Staudenmaier
